Olivia 2025 Litmus Test

Write a fiction essay

Indicate

1 of each BUILDING BLOCK

1 of each OPENER

5 ENHANCEMENTS

NO banned words, contractions, or dialogue

DOUBLE SPACE (using the tool bar)

Indent where appropriate

CHECKLIST required

(-10 if missing) NAME: Olivia Liu

(1) Because the house remained still, Sarah felt an unsettling tension in the air. The silence made her heart race, and she could not shake the feeling that something was approaching. (7) Edged by the fading light, Sarah stood frozen in place.

(2) In the corner of the room, the old clock ticked loudly, marking each second as though time itself was slowing down. (S)It seemed almost out of place, yet it contributed to the room’s somber atmosphere. (3) Eagerly, Sarah approached the window. The sun was descending, casting an eerie orange glow over the empty streets. She felt a strange pull, as if something was summoning her. (10)Silent shadows loomed, stretching across the floor.(4) Watching the shadows stretch across the walls, Sarah felt a wave of unease. There was no rational explanation for her anxiety, but she could not dismiss it. (5) Although it appeared calm outside, something felt amiss. (SIM)The place was quiet, yet a subtle urgency filled the air, which felt like a moment before a storm.

Sarah moved quickly, her feet barely grazing the floor as she rushed toward the door. It was almost as though an invisible force was urging her to leave. She had to escape because staying would only bring more danger.

The wind began to howl through the trees, and Sarah felt the cold air seep through the cracks in the door. It was not just chilly, it was a warning. The dark clouds loomed overhead, growing thicker by the minute. Heavy and ominous, they mirrored her own thoughts.

A knock at the door suddenly made Sarah freeze. The sound was sharp and unexpected, as though something had just been severed. (Q)What would she discover if she opened the door? She was not sure if she was ready to face the truth. (11d)The knock at the door grew louder, sharper—knock, knock—demanding her attention. 

(MET)The silence that followed suffocated the room, as though it weighed down on her chest. (8)Fear seemed to wrap itself around the room, making every breath harder to take.

The figure at the door was silent, standing perfectly still, as though waiting for Sarah to make the first move. (11e)Fear clouded her mind, and in the end, only fear remained.

(9)To open the door would be to confront the unknown. But something deep inside urged her to act.(T/C-VSS) Sarah’s heart raced, yet she knew she had no choice. She could not delay any longer. It was time to face what lay beyond the door.

(4-SHADOW) Sarah had an overwhelming sense that this moment would change everything. She did not know how, but the door, once opened, would show something that would alter her life forever. (6) It was inevitable.

What You Did Exceptionally Well:

1. Mood and Tone Are Impeccable
You’ve completely nailed the eerie, tense atmosphere. Lines like:

“The silence that followed suffocated the room, as though it weighed down on her chest.”
and
“The wind began to howl... it was not just chilly, it was a warning.”
create a sense of impending dread that’s cinematic.

2. Sensory and Figurative Language
Your simile:

“like a moment before a storm,”
and your metaphor:
“Fear seemed to wrap itself around the room,”
both heighten the suspense and make Sarah’s experience more visceral.

3. Structural Flow and Pacing
You did a great job layering the action and emotion—each paragraph builds naturally, and the use of short sentences (like "It was inevitable.") provides excellent dramatic impact.

4. Mysterious Ending With Emotional Weight
This section:

“To open the door would be to confront the unknown.”
and
“She had an overwhelming sense that this moment would change everything.”
gives the ending a sense of finality without revealing too much, which is exactly what suspense needs.

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Suggestions to Sharpen Even More:

1. Clarify This Line a Bit:

“Edged by the fading light, Sarah stood frozen in place.”
Consider:
“Outlined by the fading light, Sarah stood frozen in place.”
or
“Bathed in the fading light, Sarah remained frozen in place.”
Just to improve the visual clarity a bit.

2. Tighten Repetition:

“The knock at the door grew louder, sharper—knock, knock—demanding her attention.”
This is a great moment, but consider trimming: “The knocking grew louder—sharper—demanding her attention.”
to keep the suspense without redundancy.

Although you give up your dicope, it is a stronger sentence. Plus, your dicope was closer to an epizeuxis. Look at the rules for each of those, and ask me if you are not sure of how to create them.

3. Smooth Transitions in Paragraph 5:

“Sarah moved quickly, her feet barely grazing the floor...”
You might transition with something like:
“Driven by instinct, Sarah moved quickly, her feet barely grazing the floor...””
to make the motivation clearer right after describing her rising unease.

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Final Thoughts:

This reads like the opening scene of a psychological thriller or horror short story. You've mastered tension, pacing, and mood, and your figurative language and emotional build-up are especially strong. Your use of the stylistic techniques is wonderful. It’s honestly ready for submission to a student literary magazine or even a contest with just light revision!

BUILDING BLOCKS 

w/w which felt like a moment
Ly  suddenly made Sarah
Bc because staying would
Asia  as if something Prep through the trees PA Heavy and ominous
VV her feet barely grazing

STARTERS/OPENERS (S) It seemed almost 

 (1) Because the house
(2) In the corner
(3)Eagerly, Sarah
(4)Watching the 

(5) Although it
(6)It was inevitable.

 (7) Edged by the
(8)Fear seemed
(9)To open the
(10)Silent shadows
(11e)Fear clouded her mind
(11d)The knock 

ENHANCEMENTS (SIM)The place was quiet

(MET)The silence that

(Q)What would she discover if she opened the door?

(T/C-VSS) Sarah’s heart  

(4-SHADOW) Sarah had